I am a College Graduate

It's still not real to me. I am finished with college and finished with Syracuse. I miss it so much already. I've always been back in Mass at this time of the year, but now it's different, I know I'm not going back and I won't see everybody in August. Jenny is in Chicago and Maggie is in Ohio. Those are the only two people that are really far away, everyone else is in the New England area, so it's manageable.

For now, it's back to college kid stuff, however. I'll be waitressing this summer, most likely at the same restaurant I've been working at all through college. But, August 27 I have orientation for the start of law school and that is the last time I will have a summer to be a college kid. From then on, I will either be in class or on co-op year-round until I graduate. Scary.

I have a pretty new computer that I'm using right now. It's a Macbook and it's black and it's amazing. I love it. I'm still getting used to the new way of doing things without windows and without microsoft office. The Apple software for writing and powerpoint are convertible, I can save the apple documents as word or powerpoint, so that's good. I'm loving it and I've been doing my pictures and I've even started making a movie out of my graduation pictures and the video my mom got of the ceremony. I'm having fun playing with my new toy.

One of my groups of friends are doing group e-mail updates, which are cute. It'll be interesting to see how long these last, it's only been a week! I hope they do last, they're cool girls and the e-mails are entertaining. Everybody is getting new "big girl" e-mail addresses, but I'm going to stick to the syr account until I get my Northeastern one in August. I can't believe we're all really growing up and getting real jobs, when did this happen??

Here are some pictures from graduation, the rest are on Facebook, and unlike my other albums, they are accessible to anyone on Facebook, not just my friends, so curious onlookers are welcome to check them out.

I'm Going STIR CRAZY

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO AND IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

This is what happens when you finish all your work ahead of time. All my friends have papers to write and tests to study for and I have nothing to do. I've been taking naps when I'm not tired and playing online solitaire and staring at my walls for days now. It's awful. Oh, and I'm spending money. That's what I do when I'm bored: I spend money. I've gone shopping a few times, I've been out to dinner. Oh, and I've gone drinking a few times. Drunkeness does have a way of eliminating boredom. No worries, I haven't been drinking alone, but I really shouldn't go out that much, I have very little money.

7 days until I am an official college graduate. It still doesn't look right, I don't feel like I'm old enough. It seems like just yesterday I was in high school and now I'm about to graduate college and start law school. Weird.

I have certain goals and expectations for the next 3 years and my life in Boston:

~Get a great co-op that turns into a great job

~Live in Boston and love it

~Finally meet a guy who is smart, funny, kind, good-looking and not stupid that I can have a stable and fulfulling relationship with

Of all three, I feel like the last one is the most crazy and fantastical, but a girl can still hope. The guys at Syracuse have SUCKED, so I'm hoping being back among "my people" will help. And hey, a girl could do worse in finding a future lawyer to date, right? When it comes down to it, I'm not looking for a husband, I'm there for an education and to get a job, a relationship would be a pleasant after-effect. I want a best friend, someone who loves me and challenges me, but I don't need one. I've been happy here at Syracuse without a boyfriend, I have amazing friends, but one of these days I'll want to settle down. Eventually...

Until then: back to the attempts at assuaging my boredom... possibly more drinking? I only have 7 days until it's considered alcoholism!

I Am Coping Horribly Already

What the hell am I going to do? I just realized that I'm an hour of actual work away from being completely finished with Syracuse University. What am I going to do? I know I have a plan; I have Northeastern Law, but what am I going to do without my girls? Those two in the picture with me are just two of many people I can't imagine not living down the street. When I looked at my paper I'm writing and saw how close to finishing I am, I kinda freaked out a little. I don't want to finish it and not just because I hate writing papers. When I finish that paper, it's really over. When I realized that, I got that feeling in my chest, a feeling I haven't had in years: anxiety. My chest tightened and I had to stop and concentrate on breathing through it. I'm doing this now and there's still 9 days until graduation. Oh crap! It's only 9 days. I didn't think I would dread this so much. I'm excited, but I'm terrified. There was no fear, no regret at my high school graduation, it was not bittersweet. This is. I love these people too much, despite all the crap and annoyance and the crazy people, I don't want to leave them. I can do without the Syracuse winters, can't say I'll miss that too much, but the people, I don't want to leave.

I'm going to finish this paper tonight. And then I'm going to spend the next 9 days with my friends and try and not think about this being the end.

"This is the time to remember, cuz it will not last forever. These are the days to hold on to, cuz we won't although we'll want to. This is the time, but time is gonna change. I know we've got to move somehow, but I don't want to lose you now. Sometimes it's so easy to let a day slip on by, without even seeing eachother at all. But this is the time you'll turn back to someday and so will I, and those will be the days you can never recall." --Billy Joel